I've been on hiatus for some time now, but I'm back. I need to start writing again, I just need to. So I'm opening this back up, to keep track of the new stuff I write.

and you should check out this community x____poetic

I'm sorry, but can I just stop for one second to say something?

We hear a lot these days from politicians, especially on a certain side of the spectrum about keeping up safe through this war on terror.

But I want to say right now that the first and most important job of the president of the United States and the rest of the government is NOT to keep me alive, but to keep me FREE. They are in place to uphold this countries constitution, they are to govern for and because of it not in spite of it.

But the politics of fear that dominate the political field have us fearing for the wrong reasons. We are doing exactly what so many political theorists have been afraid of in democracy. We cling so desperately to our private prosperity and comfort that we have allowed our leaders to say "Let US be concerned for your safety. Give US the power to protect you and your happiness, so you don't have to worry about it."

This is not to be stood for.

So I will say now to this government, if you think for one moment that I will ever surrender my liberty to save my life you are sadly mistaken. And if the day comes that a majority in this country have been so misled by authority that they finally loosen completely their grip on freedom, you will not find me among them.

I will give my life against you before I let you take my freedom or the freedom of any other.

Who are we? In this modern time where your job or your education defines you, we claim to have come farther than any of our predessecors. But who are we? We are not Polish or English, we know not our clans or traditions. There are few left in our country who can follow their blood back for hundreds of years. There was a time when any person who wasn't an orphan could do this. Could follow back the very spark of life within them to every man and women who had ever carried that same spark.

But now. Today. Who are we?

Most would say Americans, and usually I would say so too. But so many Americans barely like their country, let alone revere it as part of their life blood. Right or wrong they have learned to see a world where we are the ignorant power. Wielding our strength as a weapon that would claim the lives of any who disagree with us. To claim their freedom, in a way. Their freedom to follow their heratige. Our new world is at odds with itself. It looks toward a global community. A place where all expect respect and safety and a right to believe as they choose. But at the same time this community demands compliance. Compliance with a universal feeling of 'good.' We demand a fairness and a freedom, a moral order throughout every person on the planet we live on.

But throughout the vast and and nearly unchartable history of our world, cultures have held different ideals of what is good. Through each peoples' struggles, over centuries and centuries they found what held them together. And they survived if they could, as well as they could.

But now. In America. Who are we?

For me this has been a large question over the last few years. I know that I'm German but it never meant much to my family. I don't fault them for that. We're all a little mix of everything, and once my grandfathers went to war for America they were Americans. And who could blame them. But I never fought in a war, and neither did my brother or my father. So who am I? Why does being the tiniest bit Irish bring a whole heritage for anyone who claims it but I feel alone.

The only heritage I ever felt for myself, the only part of me that I feel reaching far back into the darkness of history is my religion. I'm Catholic. Its a word that for most doesn't mean much but for me its as good as being Irish or Korean or anything else. Perhaps it is why I identify with the Irish, they were the ones most persecuted for our religion. That persecution means something to me. Especially because most barely know any such thing existed. And many continue to propagate it today.

I guess it just frustrates me.

so hello to the approxamently none people who read my lj. heh, whatever.

so i have to say that i'm probably having the best roommate of my lfe currently. technically there have only been like 2, but still. alyssa is a godsend. she is so much like me but still so different that it works. it was just nice, sitting in the living room, reading the webcomic she got me hooked on, watching nothing on tv. shes one of those people i can just be around, doing things when we're together, without actually have to be doing things together. if that made any sense.

so anyway, alyssa (and the music of nina violet) has been a nice easy cure for my weird moods lately.

so i don't know that anyone at all really reads this, and perhaps i like it that way. gives me a little room to say things i might not otherwise. anyway, i think i'm going to start using it again. now that i'm all set up in the new apartment perhaps i'll get my life into some kind of order. its really hard to believe that now, starting my 3rd year of college, i'm only now really getting back on my feet from the disaster that was my freshman second semester. i think i'm starting to understand life a bit more in terms of time. when i was in high-school, a school year was an eternity, you could become a whole new person, get all new friends, go through a vast array of teen disasters. now though, the person i am is more solid, and its not always good. change and accomplishment take time. there are more formalities to be dealt, more choices to be made. not just who do i hang out with this year, but where do i go to school, where do i live, where do i get my money. time goes by faster now. a recovery that would have once taken a month, max, now takes over a year. its strange.

well that was an unexpected introspection. anyway, i think i'm gonna start using this again, hopefully to be more productive.

So I'm back from Africa!!!!!!!!! it was insanely amazing, I don't even know how to describe the experience. There will be pictures to come!

School is great. I am excited and determined.

Get your own spectral analysis from Area 23®

i know its late for this. but i liked it better then the resolutions it generated.




happy 2007!

So, I definitly went to see the Aztec Dancers at the Student Union. It was really great. I loved the symolic costumes, I'm sucker for that stuff. They all had on huge head-dresses and they were beautiful. There were two younger girls, a guy, and an older guy, and they were all great. It was fun.

In other news..........there isn't any other news.

i feel really bad about it, but i tihnk i'm going to ditch my current journal, in fact i already have, i just feel guilty about it.

the think is gorgeous and high-quality everything i once wanted. but the pages are small and its thick and heavy as hell. its hard to use and hard to carry around. and the huge metal latch was always troublesome, though pretty, and now it doesn't even close.

so yeah, even though i've barely put a dent in the HUGE thing in the past year and a half i guess i'm moving to something else (a moleskine) more suited to my lifestyle right now.

maybe i'll return to it someday...

today i took my car out to the little town where our family's favorite mechanics work, and, as per usual, my grandfather went with me. its always kind of awkward, just because i wish i had more to talk to him about.

while we there he chatted with the good ol' boys who work down there. (a true small town experience is always had at this place. as was evident when Dave asked me to drive myself the 15 minutes to brookfield to pick up my own parts.) grandpa was talking about grandma being in the hospital again(her legs don't always work) and his disappoitment at not getting to go down to texas this past year for the winter.

because, you see, the greatest thing about my 90 year old grandpa, is that he LOVES to dance. and he rarely gets to anymore. and i guess whenever he talks about dancing i always start seeing him as normal person, instead of just my grandpa. especially when on the way home he pointed out this huge old barn and told me about how they used to have dances up in the hay loft.

i don't why that seemed so important, but i just thought it was.

Just a little update on the Moleskine.

I knew I wanted to use it for something special, especially since I haven't finished my normal one.

So I'm making a journal only about my best friend. And when its finished I'll give it to her. 

We're both in college and hers requires summer programs so we don't get to spend much time together. There's never been a concern of us growing apart, we just miss each other greatly.

Making this is proving to be theraputic though, just thinking about her face when I give it to her. I almost cried working on the entry about when we became friends.

There will be pictures when I go home this weekend and can get to my scanner.

BTW, this is her - Sara

I JUST BOUGHT MY FIRST MOLESKINE!

i'm excited, if you couldn't tell

my journal has been taking up ALL my time lately (except when i'm in class)

i have to say i'm rather enjoying it . . . yay

soon i'll be home
less than 18 hours
i miss my family
i miss my love
(even if it is only an old empty apartment that remains there)

when i arrive i will have means to make this what i want

i can't wait

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